Tour Diary- Super Blog

2 piece punk rock duo, Sexy Crimes intended on doing a tour blog/ diary, but not everything goes as planned… Here goes though.

-We are three weeks into tour and we finally get the chance to sit down and write about what has been going on, due to the van being out of commission because of a transmission situation. But it is being remedied and we are sleeping under a windmill in Buellton, California for the time being so we are going to give you some tour highlights to get you up to speed.

Amazing tour kickoff show at Mojo’s, played with It Good and Please Baby Help Me Forget (who rocked but whose scantily clad dancers pissed off the punx). Ate tons of pizza. Recieived best tour care package ever from best friends ever! Stoked. Also picked up our horny merch guy, Ben Pier.

Stopped at Crossroads to fuel up on some coffee and bagels for the road, then 8 hours later stepped out of the van in Athens GA to realize that Joel had left wallet at Crossroads. What do we do when we fuck up big time? Call Ward Tefft. Problem solved. Ward goes to Xroads and saves wallet, fed exes it for us to pick up in 2 days in NOLA. Headed to John and Ella’s house, ate a delicious dumpstered supper and played at a really fun party followed by alot of standup comedy!!!!

Swung on a rope swing by the tracks. Joel and Ben got clowned big time by the lady at the thrift store for wearing LITERALLY the same exact outfit. Drove to ATL, found out we had no show. Some wacky shit happened and then we had two shows. One at a rad record store (check out reactionary records next time you are in atlanta, tell Paul we sent you) and one at a really spectacularly crusty house, the catcave. Think mountains of catshit upstairs, lake of sewage in backyard, we had to play in puddles of water getting shocked electrically and heckled by crusty gentlemen with face tattoos and shitty attitudes, one of whom literally whipped out his dick and pissed on the floor next to a pregnant woman during It Good’s set (but got his come uppance when someone stomped on his foot and broke it so the bone was sticking out)…yeah. like that. But we had a time afterwards with our buddy Justin and a bunch of new and old Atlanta friends that we chilled with back at Justin’s house.

New Orleans. Ate amazing oyster Po Boys from Verti Mart and drank beers on the street, legally! Met up with Candice who rules and who lives in the most amazing punk house ever, played a really fun show with Maddy Ruthless, Nervous Juvenile (candice’s band) plus Sun God and This Moment in Black History from Cleveland. Fun!!!! It rained.

Drove to Houston, met up with Bret Shirley, played with Black Congress whose show is basically one big crazy fight featuring awesome fucking wierd postish-hardcore fucking wildASSNESS. Shit is off the chain. Afterwards we went to a party at our friends Roy and Megs’ house where we ate the best taco bell burritos anyone has ever eaten.

We woke up and went to TAMALE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! It was totally worth the 45 minute wait to get our migas. Plus a funny lady gabbed at us the whole time we were in line in the parking lot. She thought Cassady was going to get a gun to shoot us all because she was paying so much attention to Joel, even though she was “an old blacklady, all worn out!” Yikes! Then we went to House of Commons where we played Dont Tell Mom Fest. One of the kids who lived there, Kyle, did a crazy monkey trick where he shimmied like 40 feet up a street light pole to hang the banner for the show. It was nuts. Then the show was fucking amazing. All the bands I name dropped yesterday, plus Shannon and the Clams, and a bunch more. Plus we watched Wild America while moshing under a huge American flag. Then we passed out in the van with the doors open!!!!


we had to say goodbye to Ben Pier and we were sad. We had the day off so we went to a pretty wack state park, camped out, and cooked a delicious dinner of collard greens, mock duck, and hobo beans (recipe column to follow). Shit was tight. Then we slept forever.

Learned a lesson that most other touring bands seem to know…avoid West Texas!!. Let me just say we played penny pint night at a scary ass bro bar at Texas Tech, the “promoter” never showed up, the meathead door guy kept chasing us around trying to get us to pay to get in, and the best thing about the show was that Joel didnt get beat up.

we thought the van was really fucked up but it turned out we just needed a new tire…we had been inches away from a catastrophic flat tire on the highway!!! cool. Got that taken care of and hit the road. We drove through some gorgeous mountains, and were stoked to leave Texas and hit New Mexico, Cassady’s homeland. However, our route took us BACK through Texas. Have you ever heard that Texas is large? Like dude. get over yourself. Shit is like Quantum Leap or something. OK. So back in texas, you could drive like nine million miles an hour and there were no other cars on the highway, but the flipside was it was the windiest day ever in the world. We stopped by the side of the road to pee and cassady had the wind blow pee all over joel and all over the van, which really entertained some nearby truckers. HAHA!!! TOUR!!! PEEEPEE FUNNY!! Then we made it to Las Cruces. Holy shit that town is amazing. The kids there are really rad, we made a ton of new friends like Brandon and Chelsea who made us GREEN CHILE MAC AND CHEESE and then we played a hit show with Shang a Lang, Dead to Me and Off With Their Heads!!!!!! rad day. Then we went back to the house and had wild times. Those dudes from peelander Z showed up and everyone went buck wild.

took forever to drive to Albuquerque, went straight to Frontier for a green chile injection!!!! Met up with old buds, played a rad show at a really cool DIY spot in Barelas with KIT and Death Sentaence Panda and it was awesome. Then we bro’d down with old ABQ buds!!!!!!!

had to take the van to the shop, but at least we are down with the folks at Wheel Align It, which is a cool shop owned by Heidi and populated by birds and rad mechanics. Turned out van was fine, just had a loose hose. Seth and Jess made us the best green chile pizza ever. (have you noticed a serious green chile theme in new mexico? Shit is seriously really addictive. Once you’re hooked, it’s all over. You want to put it on everything.)

we drove one million miles. Were going to camp out near Flagstaff but all the spots were closed. So, we went all the way to Boulder City Nevada where we met up with our buddy and hero, RYAN TIETJEN aka JOKESAMA BEEN LAUGHIN’. Yeah! He was wasted and it was hilarious.

Tietjen was done in from the night before and couldn’t make it to Vegas with us. We got to the Bunkhouse Saloon and were given a dirty martini and a free motel room!! Then we played a hit show with Lesser You and The Mapes. Awesome. really fun show. Our motel room ruled! It only had cold water.

We drove to Chino and were disappointed that the town is absolutely nothing like the image of it on TV’s “The O.C.” Nobody forced us to rob a car, or threw gang signs, or hit us with a golf club or anything! It’s actually a very nice little town. On the way there, we lied to the agricultural inspection man who asked if we had any produce. We were loaded with grapes and carrots and collard greens! Hopefully we dont upset the delicate agricultural balances of California with our strange foreign produce. We decided just to not throw anything away while here. The show in Chino was really rad. We met up with Tim, Donna and Party Marty at the venue, which is really sweet warehouse with a big parking lot to hang in and a skate ramp and everything. Kindof a mini version of the Bike Lot. Plus they did a sweet bbq in the parking lot! We were stoked. After the show we partied hard with the kids from Horror Squad and they taught us a new drinking game (we drunkenly wrote down the rules in the van that night..apparently its called Chino Bino.)

Drove to L.A., where we met up with Craig, who took us straight to the Beach!!!! Then we went to this place called Best Fish Taco which is literally that. They only sell two items, fish taco and shrimp taco, and you watch them make it in front of you, and it is mind blowing. And cheap! Then we had some sweet backyard chillers and threw toys for Natas the dog. Our L.A. show was cool, at a spot called Pehr Space.

We made some tight Migas for Craig and Brian, then later we went to see Harkins at the almighty GRILL EM ALL!!!!! God damn those guys do it up right. They stuffed us full of crazy ass veggie burgers (the biggest i’ve ever seen) and pommes frites with truffle oil. Truffle oil!!!! man. Then we drove to San Diego, chilled on the beach for a while and watched the sun set, went to a wierd bar where all the bartenders have to wear bikinis, and then met up with Patrick and went to our show. Soda Bar is awesome and it was a cool mix of bands: Slow Death, Us, a high school instrumental metal band, an alt country bar band, and the Bertos! Cool. After that we went to this bar where the bartender Renee was from Richmond and made it her project to et us wasted. She succeeded! We gave her Ward’s number and attempted to have her prank call Ward and tell him that we had run out on our tab and that he was responsible for it. It didn’t work. Then we all went and crashed around in Patrick’s house and made out with Dotty the Dog.

Day Off!!! Easy drive up to Carpinteria State Beach where we camped out with hobos, hung on the beach, made delicious food, watched seals hanging out on the beach, and generally had times.

Twenty minutes into the drive to San Francisco we find ourselves broken down on the side of a twisty mountain road. Chase the wrecker driver saved our asses (he had to get the cops to block traffic a mile down the road so we could get the van up onto his truck! It was hectic.) and brought us through the mountains to Buellton, where we learned that the van’s transmission had finally shit the bed. So here we sit. Hopefully it will be fixed by today and we will make it to Oakland!!! If not we’re stuck here til monday. So. WE MISS YOU! HOPE EVERYONE THERE IS HAVING A TIME!!- Joel and Cassady

Steve Crandall

Coffee sipping pilot of a red FBM frame and a Nikon camera.