The Rap-Metal Hall of Shame

Metal and rap are like fire and ice, both powerful forces on their own, but together they make luke warm water. Stinky, stagnant, luke warm water. That hasn’t stopped many from trying to mix the two. Very few, if any, have succeeded. That’s debatable. For this article I had to give a lot of bands a free pass, otherwise nobody could get through it all. So without further ado, here’s my list of the 10 most cringe-worthy tracks in rap-metal. I dare any company to use this list as their next bmx video soundtrack. More realistically, I dare YOU to watch every video on this list without vomiting. Trust me, you don’t want to miss number one…

#10. Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice tried to reinvent himself as a metal dude in the late 90’s with hilarious results. Here’s the metal version of Ice Ice Baby dubbed over the original music video. Believe it or not, it’s one of the more listenable tracks on the list.

#9. Downset
I think Downset was one of the bands that emerged after Rage Against The Machine got popular. This song was actually in an ECD video already, so you need to get MCM’s permission if you want to reuse it (this video actually says MCM in the corner too…weird).

#8. Limp Bizkit
Let’s get the obvious out of the way here, these guys are terrible.

#7. Kid Rock
Say what you want about Kid Rock, but he made sweet love to Pamela Anderson in her prime, and you didn’t.

#6. Crazy Town
This isn’t the most “metal” of Crazy Town’s tracks, but it’s probably the worst video. You might know “Shifty” from Dr. Drew’s celebrity rehab on tv. Seems like a fun guy to smoke crack with.

#5. Hed PE.
Thanks to my friend Luke for making me aware of this. Double wow! So gangsta!!

#4. Undead
This is the first song that popped up on Youtube when I typed in “rap metal”. Figures it’s on a Famous Stars and Straps soundtrack. Why do a lot of these guys sound like angrier versions of Eminem? If you haven’t puked yet, this may do it. Get your bucket ready…

#3. Jay-Z and Linkin Park
The rap/rock collaboration thing was invented by Run DMC/Aerosmith in the 80’s, taken to extremes with the Judgement Night Soundtrack in the 90’s, and has only gone downhill since. The top 3 are more recent collabo’s that never should have happened. Yes, it actually gets worse from here.

#2. Wu Tang and System of a Down.
No!! Why?? If you don’t want to lose respect for Wu-Tang, just skip to the next one. This is abysmal. ODB must be rolling in his grave.

#1 Metallica and Ja Rule.
I still can’t believe this song actually happened. Who thought this was a good idea? I got this song stuck in my head for an entire day, “Yeahhhhh, we did it!!!” over and over, haha. It really doesn’t get any worse. Please listen to this because misery loves company. Seriously, this track is an audio train wreck!
WARNING: Once heard this can never be un-heard.

Derek Adams

Orchid Footwear head hancho. Lover of beer, iphones and backflips.